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Sometimes I just can't do it. by Pomeragean Sometimes I just can't do it. by Pomeragean
Let me be clear. I'm generally pretty forgiving. I don't like to hold anger against people, especially over silly things that don't matter much in the long run. Like everything, however, there's a limit to that.


My mother was emotionally and verbally abusive towards me, and is the reason that I have depression, issues with my appearance that persist to this day, and for a time, the reason that I hated myself. I was planning to move out, but then she kicked me out of the house early without giving me adequate time to get my shit in order, and as a result I had to leave the country suddenly and leave so many people behind without being able to say so much as a goodbye to them. And half of those people probably hate me now, because who the fuck knows what she's told them about her horrific little disappointment of a daughter.
She's still trying to get back into my life using contact information that I never gave to her, relentlessly trying to contact me.

Man, fuck that. I'm not going to forgive this, even if she's technically my "mother". I don't care. She's permanently ruined my view on her.


In the end, forgiveness is a personal choice. If someone can bring themselves to forgive someone for doing something, even if it's absolutely terrible, then good for them- but I don't think that others should have a say in the situation. I hate when people try to pressure me into forgiving someone when I don't feel comfortable doing so. If someone doesn't want to forgive someone else, it shouldn't be your business. Just let them be and don't put them down for it.

I understand that forgiveness is just letting go of your anger towards someone, rather than excusing what they did or saying it was okay. While I don't dwell on my anger towards certain people (and I encourage people NOT to dwell on it too much, it'll mess you up good), I still find myself unable to go back to at least being neutral towards them.
Just because I can't forgive someone doesn't mean I pace back and forth in the shadows of a dim room, rubbing my hands together while melodramatically whispering to myself about how much I hate them. After a certain point, all I want is not to have anything to do with them. That's just how it is with me in extreme cases, and I'm not going to change that just to please someone.
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:iconbuniis:
Buniis Featured By Owner Jun 23, 2017
Yep. People don't have to forgive you for being awful lol.
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:iconscourgetthecat:
ScourgetTheCat Featured By Owner May 13, 2017  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Using
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:iconrecord-keeper-edward:
Record-Keeper-Edward Featured By Owner Mar 5, 2017  Student Artist
Shout out for my "sister" for making me feel like shit :^)
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:iconsplatter789:
splatter789 Featured By Owner Mar 2, 2017  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
this is something i have to remind myself every now and then. 
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:icondisneycow82:
Disneycow82 Featured By Owner Jan 30, 2017  Hobbyist Filmographer
To me, bullying someone to death/suicide, rape, sexual and physical abuse, child molestation, human trafficking, terrorism, killing of innocents, and animal cruelty are unforgiving and there is NEVER an excuse for it all either. Some things are just too unforgiving to ever be forgiven.
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:iconbanditz-magma:
Banditz-Magma Featured By Owner Dec 19, 2016  Professional Digital Artist
Yep, I agree. I'm glad you forgive me tho. My stupid self when I did that stuff. Now I've strongly changed in to who I want and need to be. ●3●
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:iconlliiy:
LlIIy Featured By Owner Oct 8, 2016  Hobbyist Filmographer
They say forgiveness is something to help you move on.
I only agree with this if you wanted to let go of something in the past that involved BOTH parties being petty. But to use it in the case of rape, abuse, and assault on one party, is where I put my foot down and say, "No."

To me, rape is unforgivable.
To me, assault of any kind is unforgivable.
To me, abuse that's on one party only is unforgivable.

I have been sexually assaulted online without my knowledge of what was truly happening. I've TRIED so desperately hard to forgive my sexual abuser many times. But ya know what?

I couldn't do it.
Because nobody understands how it feels to be ridiculed for something that happened without your knowledge when it was happening, especially if it's online. They say, "Just block the person and move on!"
Yeah, you can block the person, but you can't block out the fact that what they've done to you happened. You can't erase it.
This sexual assaulter of mine is incredibly popular, mind you, and she is still on dA to this day. Sure, I'd be angry and upset, but I wouldn't be surprised if she is still doing what she did to me to other people.

I can't forgive her, no matter how much I try to. Because what she did to me is unforgivable and inexcusable. I don't care if she has video games to tend to, I don't give a shit if she's working on her major, and I most certainly don't give a flying fat rat's ass what she is doing in her life. She may have forgotten about what she did, but I most certainly haven't. And that's what makes me angry, is the fact that she's still roaming around, (acting) as if none of what she did had actually happened.

I even blocked her because I wanted, and I still want, absolutely NOTHING to do with her, because I hate her for what she did to me.
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:iconbanditz-magma:
Banditz-Magma Featured By Owner Dec 19, 2016  Professional Digital Artist
I can relate as well. .. I have been assaulted at school by kids my age and online by a 12 year old!
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:iconkittenprince55:
KittenPrince55 Featured By Owner Dec 14, 2016  Hobbyist Writer
I feel it. I was assaulted online as well, by a man in his thirties. He mistook me for a girl and was flirting with me and my then-girlfriend, calling us "hot" and "sexy," and he sent me dick pics. I'm still scarred... 
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:iconmagicspyglass:
MagicSpyglass Featured By Owner Oct 7, 2016
I will never forgive my step father. He verbally and emotionally abused me and my step brother, and I heard that he also hit my mom. I hope to god that my (ex)stepbrother is alright. I really do.
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:iconlizzerina369:
Lizzerina369 Featured By Owner Sep 26, 2016  Hobbyist Photographer
I feel it. My stepfather has verbally and physically abused me since I was a child, and I'm mentally fucked up because of it. I believe that I've also had minor head trauma thanks to it, him slamming my head into a wall/floor, punching me in the head, etc. 

I have not "forgiven" him, but unfortunately I still live with my parents. 
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:iconpoisonshallevanesce:
PoisonShallEvanesce Featured By Owner Aug 30, 2016  Hobbyist General Artist
Forgiving is a choice. Forgiveness is a reward. Neither are necessity.
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:iconpomeragean:
Pomeragean Featured By Owner Sep 17, 2016
You sum it up perfectly.
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:iconpoisonshallevanesce:
PoisonShallEvanesce Featured By Owner Sep 17, 2016  Hobbyist General Artist
Were it not me, it would be another. Not with the same words, perhaps, but the same message.
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:iconnicthewerecatqueen:
NictheWerecatqueen Featured By Owner Aug 26, 2016  Hobbyist Writer
I just can't forgive my ex-friend for emotionally abusing me, deactivating, then LYING by saying I ran her off when all I did was stand up for myself
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:iconschizophrenicme:
schizophrenicme Featured By Owner Jul 21, 2016
I think you should forgive her. I forgave my mom for abusing me and being a achololic and for other things like dating a man she meet online who sexual abused me or the time she had sex with a under aged man that I had a crush on. So if I can forgive her fir all these things then you can forgive,your mom too. It just takes time. Trust me it took years.
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:iconpomeragean:
Pomeragean Featured By Owner Jul 22, 2016
How about no.
It's good for you that you could manage that, but please remember different people handle things differently. I made a lot of points about this in the description already. There's also another comment below that brings up that some people CAN forgive their abusers, and I think that's great for those people, but many can't and it absolutely should never be expected.
As I mentioned earlier, different people handle things differently. That means that people have different levels of tolerance and ability to forgive within them. I respect your ability to forgive all that but I disagree with your claim that your ability to forgive automatically means I should forgive too. That isn't how people work.
It isn't just about anger or grudges either, it's also about your image of someone being permanently marred over something they did and not being able to look at them in a more positive light again, to the point you'd rather forget them and not see them again. Besides, this situation is still ongoing and it isn't getting any better any time soon.
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:iconschizophrenicme:
schizophrenicme Featured By Owner Jul 22, 2016
Ok....
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:iconkatzensaft:
KATZENSAFT Featured By Owner Jul 21, 2016
if your mom keeps trying to contact you and say mean stuff be sure to save and keep track of it as proof of harassment in case if you ever need to go to the police or something. where i used to live it only took two documented incidents of harassment to get a restraining order. dunno if it's the same in all states but i'm sure it's similar. 
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:icondeideiblueeyez:
deideiblueeyez Featured By Owner Jun 27, 2016  Hobbyist General Artist
No victim of abuse is obligated to forgive their abuser. It's mind-blowing when people do, it's kind of amazing (like Jews forgiving Nazis, or people forgiving their rapists) but it shouldn't be expected
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:iconpomeragean:
Pomeragean Featured By Owner Jun 27, 2016
Yes, I totally agree.
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:icongold-angel:
Gold-Angel Featured By Owner Jun 26, 2016  Hobbyist General Artist
A good stamp👍
And welcome to Deviantart☕🌟
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:iconnickyvendetta:
NickyVendetta Featured By Owner Jun 26, 2016
Very true. And I'm deeply sorry you have a horrible mother. I know what that's like. :(
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:iconcaramel-lioness:
Caramel-lioness Featured By Owner Jun 26, 2016  Student General Artist
Yeah it's true
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